Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Yenta ♏obile

Last Wednesday, Sing and I did the same old chores around the office. Nothing too exciting took place, and the weather was was still gross and made everything inconvenient. I wanted nothing more than a "Grasshopper" (mint chocolate chip) cupcake from Crumbs, which is three blocks away, but there was no way that Sing would accompany me on that walk, nor would I have been willing to make it. Instead, we sat inside of Café Duke and observed the varieties of umbrella's that passed by. Some big, some small, some ugly, some pretty, and some morons that didn't use one. The one umbrella that caught my eye was a black umbrella on the outside, but on the inside it was blue with a few clouds scattered across, looking like a pretty blue sky.

Fashionaunta and I decided to take the 5:07 p.m. bus home Wednesday night. I left the office a few minutes before her so I could grab0 two Crumbs cupcakes. While we were on the highway, a Lexus sedan drove right into the bus in an attempt to cut us off. It was entirely the man in the Lexus' fault. He stopped in the middle lane of the highway and stood, staring at the completely innocent driver of our bus. Three older people took me and Fashionaunta's front seats, so we sat in the second row. The woman in front of me was one of the most obnoxious women I believe I have ever come across. She was telling our bus driver what to do, and mentioned eighty-two times that he had a "MD" license plate, so obviously he's a doctor, and "doctor's are the worst drivers." She repeated this ad nauseam as if it would be productive somehow. Fashionaunta begged me to confront her and ask her to stop. When I said "excuse me", the woman was so in tune with her own little world that she did not hear me three times. Five minutes later, the doctor in the Lexus finally got the hint to move to the right side of the highway so this snafu could be dealt with. When I stepped out to take pictures of the minor damage that he had forced upon his car, I noticed that he barely understood English, and I tried to explain to the best of my ability that this accident was completely his fault. The pictures came out orange, and I gave up after a few attempts. I hopped back on the bus to my second row seat, where the yenta was still running her mouth.

Behind Fashionaunta was a younger yenta that seemed to be in her twenties. She was bitching about how she should have taken a different bus, and considering herself to be pro-active by calling the bus company before our poor driver did, asking for a new bus. She wouldn't shut up, the woman in front of me wouldn't shut up, and I decided to make the best out of it. I pulled out a cupcake. While the cupcake was in my mouth, the obnoxious yenta in front of me turned around and started to freak out. She asked "WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT'S WRONG? ARE YOU OKAY??" With my mouth still in my cupcake, I tried to tell her that I was eating a cupcake. She kept asking if I was alright. I have no idea what exactly was so off about this woman, but I wanted to pull the cupcake out of my mouth and shove it into hers.

The yenta got off of the bus to talk to the non-english speaking doctor. To no surprise, we could hear her voice from inside of the bus that was completely packed, and she miraculously worded something so right that we were able to push off without police coming and wasting even more time. The yenta saves the day, and the little yenta behind Fashionaunta doesn't shut up.

We got home two and a half hours later.

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